Almost
by spheeris1
Summary: X/G light subtext or just friendship, however you like :: Season Two :: During 'Remember Nothing', Gabrielle has time to think on dreams better left for dead...


**Almost**

For a few days, it was almost normal. She knew it could never be like before, with her parents alive and Lila smiling and the world still covered in a gauze of happiness.

_No, it can never be like that again. I am a fool to even think on it._

But Gabrielle must be the biggest fool the cruel gods have ever seen. Somewhere, in the cold and haunted caverns of her heart, Gabrielle let loose the torrent of want.  
She could feel it building up with the sharp blue gaze that caught her unawares in that small shop.  
She could almost taste it when strong arms spirited her away from that dark hole she existed in.

_I should have stayed there. I should have ignored this... Xena, this woman and her brother... I should have just turned away._

Gabrielle tried to close up this ache, but it just kept growing. It kept begging for light and trust, all things she had long given up on.  
And the brother, Lyceus, was so kind. So not like the slavers.  
And the sister, Xena, was so... strong and sure and...  
Gabrielle tried to halt all this need and she almost did. She almost snuck out the door and ran off again. She almost stopped herself from letting anyone in.

_It would have been better if they had left me. Left me with no hope and no desires and no chance to dream. Then I could just rot away and they could just live their lives. They could live instead of dying with me._

Gabrielle listens to the siblings fight and shields herself away, the rusted metal cutting into her back.  
And when they both look at her, Gabrielle almost falls apart.  
And she recalls just two nights ago, when everything seemed almost possible.

_**Around a wooden table, all lit up with candles and three people sitting close. Lyceus laughing and tormenting his sister. Xena shrugging it all off. And Lyceus looks over, his eyes glazed with an emotion Gabrielle cannot place. She looks to Xena and the woman is smiling warmly. It makes Gabrielle smile softly in return. It feels like family to the girl so far from Potedia. It feels warm and safe. And more laughter abounds, leaving Gabrielle flush with a very hidden feeling. In this moment, she is happy.**__****_

_**Lyceus gets up and offers to escort Gabrielle to her room. And Xena grins knowingly at her brother. Gabrielle looks at them both and her words come out quietly.**__****_

_**"I can make it myself."**____****_

_**As she walks away, the faint sound of talking follows her steps.**____****_

_**"I'll put in a good word... since you obviously need it." Xena's voice is affectionate. Her voice is what Gabrielle imagines true joy to sound like.**__**  
**_

They are looking at her as she swings in her cage. They are trying to give her a reason to fight. And Gabrielle wants to hate the both of them. Especially...

_Xena, the one who wrapped strong hands over my mouth and begged me to come away with her. Xena, who is tougher than any man and won't pick up a weapon. Xena, who swooped in and completely altered my life. Xena, who wants to be my friend. Xena..._

_**She is watching Xena move about this bedroom. All the while Xena throws smiles over to Gabrielle. And Gabrielle returns them. It feels good. It feels even better than the sense of belonging downstairs with both the siblings. Xena is saying something and Gabrielle turns her attention outward once more.**__****_

_**"We'll have you a proper room tomorrow." Xena's voice is apologetic. Her voice is like a balm in its caring and Gabrielle focuses on that crystal vision turned her way.**__**  
**__**"Your eyes are so blue." Gabrielle whispers. And Xena chuckles, yet not in a condescending way. It is a deflection. It is a way to hide. Gabrielle knows all about subterfuge.**____****_

_**"Then you are sure to like my brother's as well. Like the sea after Poseidon's fury." Xena's tone is proud. And Gabrielle thinks briefly of her own sister, whose eyes were the darkest of browns. They would light up, though, and turn into liquid. Lila's eyes would melt with tenderness.**__****_

_**The sobbing starts without consent. And Xena is there... without asking. As if the woman knows about such pain. As if the woman knows how to heal more than cuts and bruises. As if Gabrielle is worth all this.**__**  
**__**And Gabrielle looks up, her gaze watery. And Xena wipes away the tears.**__****_

_**And, quite unwillingly, Gabrielle feels her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. For the first time in so long, Gabrielle feels love.**_

For a split second, it was almost like Gabrielle got her life back.

_And, for just a second, I almost believed it to be real._

_END_


End file.
